Financial speculators have existed for centuries, men who made their fortunes by gambling on the troughs and peaks of the stock market. Though an integral part of the financial system they were largely ignored as personalities until the early 21st century, when a financial recession led to a public backlash against individuals who exploited the market for their own gain.
This increased visibility led to the formation of a group known as ‘speculator speculators’ who began to bet on the fortunes of these speculators, exchanging tips about their speculating habits and publishing information on their personal lives in order to get a better picture of their prospects. Often an unusual day at the stock market would result in speculators receiving a raft of abusive e-mails and phone calls from people who had speculated on them, and the weight of this pressure culminated in an unprecedented number of suicides among the speculator community in 2011 which led to the eventual demise of their profession.
Around this time a new group sprung-up of so called ‘speculator speculator speculators’, who speculated as to what the speculator speculators would speculate on now that their were no more speculators, suggesting that they would assume the position of the former speculators on the stock exchange. However, the speculator speculators confounded the speculator speculator speculators by pronouncing the stock market to be ‘actually very boring’, and both groups eventually joined forces, electing to spend the rest of their days at the pub speculating on such things as how many water pistols they would need to take down a jumbo jet, and who could fit the most marshmallows in their mouth.